Charming

AGAIN!

2011-06-21T18:29:00.002+08:00

I'm tested and it's proven that one of the strongholds in my life has not been overcome yet. When the voice of argument arises, my spirit trembles, like usual, I couldn't hold the tears which filled with fear. This voice is so familiar throughout the years, it has not been a change.

AGAIN, the same issue again when the voice arises. WHY?

Same reason is applied to my life since I'm in relationship. Lacking communication, can cause misunderstanding, and it leads no trust to each party. Why communication is so important though we've been knowing a person for so long, because both grow up in different background, being trained to communicate in different ways, both channel are not the same. How God makes known himself, thru communication! How does He communicate? Thru words! He made it clear, His instruction, His desire, His heart for His people, even then, we still misunderstand Him. We can't read people's mind, some more our minds are polluted and have a lot of blockages, how do we know each other if we do not communicate, that's why our minds always carry a lot of judgement and wrong understanding about others.

It doesn't mean that if we communicate more and more, matters are made crystal clear. It has come to the right way of communication, then it can just be worked out. Communicate properly, communicate without hiding a single thought of wronging others, communicate without judgemental spirit, communicate without having self interest or benefit, communicate without pride or wanting to win over, communicate with forgiving heart...

I cannot figure out why am I grown in this environment. As I grow older, I see the problems because I'm well nurtured in the church environment and taught the right ways. I know the root cause. Some more, I'm the combination of 2 problematic persons, I'm going thru almost the same issues. Bad thing is I'm imparted a lot of fears in my life. But good thing is the Lord is gracious to me. I'm different because He is helping, shaping and moulding me in order not to grow into the same root. It's a painful process!

I rather strive for my life out there instead staying in this environment. There's always a struggle to come back. It's a place filled with fear.

Stop!!!

2010-10-07T15:19:00.002+08:00

Some people wondered why I deactivated my Facebook account lately.

Facebook, it's a nice place to pour out our heart and being outspoken if you like.
But I have a problem, is that I like to use Facebook to attack people if I'm under attack. In order to keep my promise to Jesus to be a better person, so, one good way to stop attack is to deactivate it till I'm calm down.

I'm sure, before I said this, some people misunderstood me and judged my motive already. Well, I'm ok with it...just to accept that being judgmental is a common mistake that happens in a fallen world!

Who is Confused?!

2010-10-07T08:36:00.002+08:00

If we often deny what we have said, then I suggest we need to really check ourselves.

People will not simply accuse us of our saying, if we did say and other did hear, it means we did 'say'. We cannot consistently accuse other hear us wrongly. It is we are confused or we are not good in our communication.

People like that are very dangerous. You may see others slowly may not want to listen to such person who is confusing in his word or speech. Others will doubt what is the truth. Especially a preacher/speaker, we must be clear of what we said.

There is one way to help us see through ourselves. Is to record our own speech. someone taught the preacher to listen to their sermons, then they found out actually what they said have a lot of mistake. Only by this, that person itself realize the need to change himself first, not others.

If we are not consistent or even confused by our speech, this causes the communication breakdown, it is not surprised others will shut down and will not want to approach such person. If we as a speaker or preacher often deny we can make mistake, that will grow defiant, then pride is built up, then destruction will come!

What a Tragedy!

I Have Not Changed!

2010-10-06T11:49:00.003+08:00

I've so been sick for a month. But for this whole month I've experienced God a lot.

Hebrews 4:15!
This verse keeps me going on. It encourages me when I was disappointed. When I see the return is 'half-hearted' or not genuine, Jesus comforts me all these disappointment he had gone through, just that He did not sin. People are selfish though they may appear good but the final goal is still self-oriented. I felt that people have been taking me for granted, making use of my genuine heart.
I have lose heart!
All this while, I've been working so hard to improve in my weaknesses. I thought that my labor in Christ has changed me to be better person. But when I receive words
'I Have Not Changed'...it just reflect I have labored in vain. It's very hurt!

I wanted to give up while I am fighting to overcome all these, this verse still keeps me going on. But the sad thing is, no matter how I tried to recall the good moment, blessing from the Bishop and Rev KV on the relationships, I still can't let go of the word and pain. Friends fail us. Our love ones hurt us.

I have given whole-hearted, yet I received 'half' and yet not genuine.
For a month, I've been so hard trying to express. I can't! I have not found anyone that can bear with me, who hear me from the bottom of my heart.

Perhaps, I shouldn't change, so I won't feel the pain today! I would rather being the past me, being the one who hardened the heart! Then I would not invite troubles and pain!

Jesus still the one who is true to me!

The BEST Father!

2010-07-14T15:56:00.004+08:00

Whenever I see children running around in the church compound my heart is filled joy to see them. They are pure, friendly and welcoming especially when they called me out loud...I feel accepted by these young men & ladies.

But recently I am struggling to overcome the bad memory of my childhood. It is just out of sudden it pop-out of my mind and troubles me a lot. A kind of difficult season to overcome it.

But someone told me he longs to be a father. He feels good and blessed being a father. When he holds a baby and taking a child, he has this desire being a father.

I'm sure he will be a good father, a good husband even!
But when I see the problems I've gone through and bearing the problems still, I have no confident to take care of my own children. I feel thatI've nothing good to give them. This is really sad.

So how?! I have a maker, a creator who decided my existence and birth. I can only depend only Him to make myself a better person. Parenthood decides the childhood. Mine had passed. I'm just hoping my children will be different. And my Father in Heaven is the only person I can learn from to give the best for my children!

He is the BEST Father!

I Miss IT!

2010-06-25T11:22:00.003+08:00

13 June - He ended his practical in All Saints'. Our holiday began. We were flying to Tawau at night together for the 1st time to meet his parents. We had our dinner @ MCD. Sounds enjoyable? But I was so nervous and having headache, STRESS!

14 June - We spent most of the time in preparation for dinner. We went to eat 'Sang Nyuk Mien' in the morning, going to St Patrick's Church then to meet with Archdeacon. But he was meeting up with somebody so we missed seeing him. At noon, we went to wet market to get everything that we need for the soup. We bought roast pork for lunch. Then we stayed at home (Tawau) just to boil the soup and watch movie. His mom also came back early to prepare dinner for us. It's rainy day!

15 June - We departed at 9am driving to SDK. It's his turn to meet my parents...wahahahah..!!! STRESS! Along the way, he has to suffer from my 'sickness'. We stopped by a petrol station then he bought 1.5L COLA (for himself). But half of the 1.5L is filling my stomach. That is why SUGAR RUSH! Haahahahah....i was laughing with no reasons....he was being tortured by me.....wahahahah!
We reached SDK at 3pm then he rested from long distance driving. He woke up and had dumpling...RM6 each oh...but has everything in it lah...KEKEKE....Mom cooked seafood (big prawns and fish) and wonderful chicken soup for us! Hurray!

16 June - This is the day that he didn't look forward to coming. It's festive and all my family members and relatives gathered to have dinner...STEAMBOAT! He has to meet and greet them 1 by 1...for him this is unfair lah...he's scared already with a big crowd at my house....hahahahaha...but he was well accepted by my family members loh...they treated him as if one of the member from us! GOOD beginning!
But in the morning we had 'pei dan gau'...and met our friends at Church.

17 June - Oohh...we had to leave to Tawau...we had prawn mee at SDK before we left SDK. This time he only bought 2 cans of COLA. Surprisingly I was not laughing all along the journey but felt exhausted. This time the journey was not so exciting as before. It's because happy moment almost comes to an end.
We reached Tawau at 3pm. Then he went for haircut. He bought me pancake. After that we have not hanged around Tawau loo.... At night, we spent time with his family members watching football together...Argentina Vs Korea (4-1)! Then we spent time to count our blessing, sharing our happy moment and our family members. It's like a summary of our holiday...

18 June - This is the hardest day for us. We had to depart from Tawau and go back to where we are. Funny thing is that he was supposed to leave TODAY but mistake happens, so he delayed his flight till Monday! I felt for him but I'm a bit happy also...coz he can still spend a little bit of time with me in Tawau as my flight is at noon and I'm not going to see him leaving me rather he would! So selfish? But i considered this is answered prayer! Hahahahaha....

I would never forget this wonderful time!

Keep me longer!!

2010-04-28T22:55:00.003+08:00

I heard a news from a friend today that her sickness comes back since operation happened in a year ago.

This kind of sickness actually is very common nowadays...it's caused by the imbalance of the hormones in our body that caused the growth of 'tumors'..this sickness namely Endotriomesis can come back if we don't keep watch of our body.

When i heard that I also worry about myself because I also have pain since I recovered from it 3 weeks ago. I'm praying hard that the Lord will keep my body from this sickness again. I believe His complete healing. I'm praying that the Lord will keep me longer for the sake of His Glory...

Yeah....I will have it!

2010-04-28T22:51:00.002+08:00

Today I was informed that I'll have a new wardrobe and a new study table...
Yeah...finally i got it...not because I want to have a new one but because the condition the furniture is out of repair which I need them for my clothes and for my own study...

By changing these 2 furniture hopefully the ants will move their 'homes' also...because they tend to build their nests in the old furniture...

I thank God for His provision and His Grace...the next person who is going to stay in this room will be blessed too!

Allergy?

2010-04-27T23:15:00.003+08:00

Oh no....I got a lot of scars over the hands and legs...what happened?

Dono why I got these and it's always itchy...some of them are bleeding because I scratched too hard...oh no...not beautiful anymore...where I got these?

Any cure???

Tired....

2010-04-26T23:16:00.002+08:00

Can you imagine 5 more months I'll turn to 27...Can you imagine I'll be 27...

I thank the Lord that this is the best time that I'm used by Him...In this season He calls me to serve in different areas.

I've been serving Him for 3 years..time flies..but only 3 years, if I get married in 2 years time (if God willing) I have 2 more years to go. I have a regret why I responded to the Lord so late. Indeed it's a great priviledge to serve Him.

But somehow I feel tired...tired is because the physical strength is descending partly because of my age. Tired is because sometimes do have disappointment in work...and recently the pain came back...hopefully is the bleeding point recovering or the body is absorbing the blood...

But the Lord is always my strength..His Words always sustain and comfort me...I believe I'm stronger than before just because of Him in my life..

Thank You, Father!

What Have I Been Doing?

2010-04-26T23:03:00.002+08:00

I suddenly had a feeling while the meeting was going on...'What have I been doing all these while?'

I've been put into a few minitries and i'm entrusted by the Lord to bear fruit in it...but I've not seen it yet...so, what have I been doing?

There's a lot of area we need to build in churches...not building the physical part only but we need to bear in mind the spiritual part which the Lord also concerns the most.

I've been given GB, children, young adult cell group, youth and some admin to take care...I have vision for each of the ministries...but...the vision has not appeared yet...oh no!

Why...it's because I din really spend a lot of time to plan the ministries. Although I set the goal but I don't have the proper action or execution yet...basically can just say lack of planning for the goal...

Why? I spend the time on reading, on eating, on playing games, yum cha and mostly happen - quarreling...but that all these are not good...but among these I can cut down some of them...but, I regret now coz I feel that I spend only a little time on the necessary and important thing. I'm stressful now 'cause it's already end of April...it's more stressful than I failed the Moore External Studies.

Why stressed out? Because I need to give an account to my Master when He asks for it. I can only show Him the architectural plan but not the construction site because it's still empty...What have I been doing?????!!!!!

I need to re-arrange my time..so that I really spend time on planning some of the ministries..I really hope to see fruits...it's my joy and my duty...for the Glory of God!

I got a Pen!

2010-04-26T16:18:00.002+08:00

The Bishop gave me a pen while we were worshipping at the staff meeting...It was really out of sudden then he handed the pen to me..

Why? I was thinking...Did I achieve anything? But after a while I stopped thinking about it.

But it's so good to have a gift. I don't know how expensive it is..but for me it's gift...

I'm happy because I got a gift though i've not achieved anything big things...but I trust it's a gift not only from the bishop but also from God...

Your Majesty I surrender all...

2010-04-25T22:41:00.003+08:00

The pain came back these 2 days...what's wrong?! Em...

Never take anything for granted in our lives...you really don't know what will happen next. Today's Worship Song challenges me deeply...

As we sing that the Lord is the Centre of All and Centre of our lives...do we mean it? When we sing to the Lord Your Majesty I surrender all...do we mean it?

But today I said to God I really surrender all, my life, my future and my everything; just my live my worthy of His call..not many people are priviledged to serve the King of kings. And I'm so grateful to have this blessing...

Because of my weakness I can't mean what I sing..but, I'll learn to give up myself in my daily walk with the Lord...

My Lord, Your Majesty!

Sleeveless...

2010-04-23T16:30:00.003+08:00

I've been thinking how to get rid the flab of my arms...it looks like a bat!! I'm working hard on it just to get myself fit into sleeves blouse or dress...

But today, someone told me...you look good with green...and you can wear sleeves 'cause my arms are not so big...then i told her, all i need to do is just get the upper part of my body smaller, then i can wear all kinds of shirt I like...

"No!" she said. "All you need to do is just confident with yourself, you are just perfect and that's how God shaped and moulded you"...WOW! Such a wonderful encouragment...I wonder if we have more people to speak words like this, more people will be set free from peer pressure or deception...

But, it needs a lot of courage from me to put on sleeveless shirt...Well..hopefully this encouragment moves me closer to that...

Cheers!!!!

Give thanks in small matters

2010-04-22T21:19:00.002+08:00

It went well for my piano class..partly because i've done much preparation and practised the new piece before i entered for the lesson...

It was so encouraging that the trainer said 'I know you can do it because you are smart...' I was so encouraged by her words. It is not a word that affirm my ability or proves that I'm really are, but it's a word that really encouraged me to move on to see the potential in me.

I give thanks to God for this ability to learn playing piano and musical notes even in my age. I give thanks even for this wisdom eventhough it's not a very outstanding kind. I really give thanks and satisfied.

For the Bible tells us 'always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Eph 5:20)

I'm grateful that I'm able to give thanks because I was not able to do so. I was a person used to complain, criticize and blinded to see the good. But the Lord is willing is to change me and mould me to be able to say 'Thank you' to my Heavenly Father. I am still learning to live my life with contentment, satisfaction, less complaining and see the good of others and myself...most important is to be humble to learn from others. I also respect my bishop and some of the pastors for they are the great people in my life because I see their humility in learning from others that's why they are great today!

Always give thanks in small matters!

What We Bring...

2010-04-22T20:25:00.003+08:00

I dono why a lot of people were asking me about my wedding plan. Basically i just told them I don't have any plan because I don't know what will happen next...especially i just recovered from a sickness recently, it causes and cautions me to live to serve God even more eager because life is short.

1 lady said, "quick quick quick, go get married and have baby, otherwise you are too old for that.."

I was thinking is getting married sounds that easy? When I heard of one of the pastors asked me again i felt I can't breathe. It's not because of the preparation for the wedding ceremony..it's whether I can stand and endure in marriage life. Especially I'm having problem recently I can see what kind of person I'm going to face and how would I be in the future...

Another man talked to me today, saying 'What We Bring into Marriage will decide the future'...He is right! In fact, those who are married felt it when I heard their stories. If we bring immaturity, selfishness and self-centeredness into Marriage I can imagine quarrel will happen every single hour...A book quotes, Marriage is a call to holiness..Holy before God with another person living with you iron sharpens iron. Another book says 'Marriage is a call to suffering' because we have to put the 'self' to death in order to love God and your spouse. Putting the 'self' into death is suffering for us because we used to be self-centred. Basically just No selfishness in marriage.

If I have emotion problem I will bring it into Marriage. If I can't handle myself in stress, emotion and the immaturity in me I'll bring all these into marriage and I could simply release my anger or temper to my spouse my children even though it may not be their wrong. And we end up quarrel, argue ...

For me, I'm not really desperate to get married if I've not overcome some of the major problem in my life which it affects my family. I rather wait till I'm more mature instead of facing a lot of challenges in future. Problems, Stress, Business, Tiredness...all these are long life challenges...but along the way, we can learn how to overcome and grow in it. For the Lord is walking beside us and sanctifies us. Just a matter of willingness to put down our pride to overcome it and for the Glory of God to be seen in our lives!

Moody

2010-04-21T09:03:00.002+08:00

I really don't know why I have this problem! Since I woke up I'm not happy already...maybe I wake up carrying a lot things/work in my heart...even before I woke up from the bed, i've already had in mind what shall I do today and how to make arrangment to all that...really faint!

Then I reached office...i'm still not in the mood...worrying abt this and that...worrying what to deal with...haih! When I looked at those...it affects my mood...

Maybe I'm bearing this sickness for long long time and i just realized it...or, everybody is just like me? No...i noticed the surrounding..they are not the same...they look happier...why??!!!

What's the problem with me??!! Do I need counselling? !

Everyday is Different!

2010-04-20T11:22:00.002+08:00

A phone call awoke me. When I looked at the clock it's already 10.30am...wow man..i'm late...supposed to wake up early and fulfill the agenda of the day...

Another sms comes in...it's great!..it's good news...today's mood is totally different because of this great message! then i rushed back to office to share. But, no one rejoice with me! This is truly disappointed....and I went down quietly to ASMA to have my piano practice..

Along the practice..I can feel that it was so different with yesterday...How come I got everything right yesterday but today just stuck??!!! I lose focus and my mood is affected..I can't enjoy the music and work it out...

It's really different in music performance...yesterday, today and tommorrow are really not the same...because the mood, the focus and the emotion are not the same...really, it makes up my day...and the practice, FLUNG!!!

I want no more!

2010-04-12T22:10:00.003+08:00

I still remembered I was very sick during my childhood...I had to apply sick leave almost for a semester during the last year of my kindergarten. It was due to sickness that I had to be absent.

I didn't know why I was very sick...since young till age of 6. After 6 I was stronger and healthier. I still remembered was busy looking for doctors in town, looking for solution to cure me, of course there are wrong ways but thank God that I'm saved! All kinds of method she used to cure me. I was helpless and very weak. All my days were just lying on the bed, I couldn't enjoy good meals, I couldn't enjoy what other kids do...I think I made my mom worried a lot during those years. And there was once I sat at the toilet waiting for mom to bathe me, and I asked why i'm so sick, I claimed that I want to recover and never fall sick again! Because it's really torturing.

Today, I'm sick again...and it's not a normal sickness like anybody has. Again, I felt weak and couldn't fight for the best of my life. Not only the physical body is weak but the emotion and spiritual life also feels something. I can never ask 'why I'm sick', but just think about how can live the most in my life. I want to live happily and healthily, less worry, less stress and also do not carry burden of others for I'm no more stronger like before. Even less enthusiasm to fight or argue with others.

All I want is to experience the sweetness of dwelling in the presence of God. I just want to experience Him and make full use of my life. I want to have peace and joy! And I want no more that is mortal!

Bicycle - My birthday wish

2010-02-03T08:42:00.002+08:00

I saw someone got a bicycle yesterday... I want to have it too. I was jealous of that person to have one and it's a gift from others.

I remembered having a new bicycle is my birthday wish for last year. But i couldn't have it. This year, I want it and i make it my birthday wish again, a medium size one (because I'm short..hahaha)...and black color.

So long i haven't been riding on the bicycle. I'm living in a big compound, imagine i'm riding on it and showing off my bicycle...wow! so awesome!

I'm gonna have it!

Look At Your Forgiveness

2010-01-10T19:01:00.002+08:00

This is the one of the pointers in the sermon outline of today. This is the part that strikes me and reminds me God's forgiveness.

Indeed, God's love is perfect, and His promise never fails. He promises the forgiveness of sins, not only that, he will not keep the account of our sins...NO MORE!

The most difficult issue to deal with in any kind relationship is to 'FORGIVE' (for me la). We have conflict, we have fight, we have quarrel over an issue. And after all, we reconcile and declare forgiveness to each other. But in our heart, do we really forgive?

God forgives our sins and DOES NOT keep the record that means remember no more of our sins. We declare in our speech to forgive somebody, but can we not remember the issue or deed of others that causes pain and hurts?! I'm scared very few can say 'YES'!

Receive forgiveness is a great joy. But the one who forgives and keep no record receive blessings even more.

If we find very hard to forgive (and not keeping record of others wrong-doing), then we have to ask ourselves if we really experience or being assured God's forgiveness! If we do, we should reflect it in our lives...

Wah....Sweet oooo

2010-01-10T18:48:00.003+08:00

Yeah...children cell resumed today...I got a gift from one of my children oo...imagine how excited I'm to have a gift at the 1st Children Cell Meeting of this year! KEKEKEKE

I got another Perfume oo...It was wrapped up nicely but the other most touching part was when he arrived at Grace Hall, the moment he caught my sight, he was looking at my eyes with a sweet smile, then he said, "This is for you Cynthia Jie Jie"...wah...this is the most wonderful bit.!!!

I decide to use that perfume every Sunday, the day when we can meet one another...and the perfume will remind me the gratefulness in my heart for God that gives these children to me...at the Children Cell!!! Yeah!!!

Beautiful One

2010-01-09T20:40:00.002+08:00

I copied the song 'Beautiful One' from someone's pendrive without asking permission...haha...

The first time I listened to this song was 3 years ago in one of the English services happened in FCC. This song has been sung for quite a time but because of coming from a Chinese service background i'd never got this chance to listened to it.

Whenever I listen to this song it reminds me of started the full-time journey in FCC 3 years ago. Looking back how I was challenged to involve full-ministry, indeed i grow a lot in this journey and experience God more and deeper in my daily walk with Him.

I was reminded how immature I am and God patiently mould me and build me up in all kinds of area. If this journey has never given and planned for me, I would never know how much I need Him! I would never felt His love deeply!

A Good Start

2010-01-09T20:24:00.003+08:00

Yeah...GB Meeting resumes today...I've planned and work out a lot of things for GB...good start! Indeed, no plan is planning to fail!

We have our beloved Chaplain to give us the first devotion of this year today! I learnt a very important lesson today. In his sharing, one thing impresses me..."Our words reflect what's deep down and inside us." He taught this with the basis of the Word of God. As I remembered Jesus' teaching is also the same...."one well cannot have 2 kinds of water, one is sweet, another one is bitter!..."

Sometimes I think, why people cannot simply say "joke only mah". Maybe my upbringing is so boring, is not that humurous. I do believe that we must speak and joke at the right time, not all the time. Because our words not only reflect ourselves, but reflect our family, reflect our relationship with people and God.

Speak Faith! It was in the last Sunday's sermon. It's true that our words carry lives, carry authority, carry values. God's words carry lives, carry authority and commands. We are made in the image of God. Therefore, we must handle our speech seriously even when we joke, it should be building, should bring a positive message in our joke. But it's not destructive, not hurting.

If we are made in the image of God, I think our words also reflect how God handle His Word!

Our children follow our pattern. Children follow and listen how we speak. If we want a healthy and godly family and children, guard our tongues otherwise it will not bring blessing to the family even to the children.

I do believe, if I start learning how to guard my tongue, my family, my children will be blessed and built strong spiritually.

Express!

2009-11-05T19:54:00.002+08:00

I'm satisfied with my piano lesson. Apart from the weekly lesson, everyday i spend about 30 minutes to practice and learn new pieces. Well, it's true that i'm eager and aggressive to learn, but not for performance.

I was so amazed by one of our pianist in our church. The choir performed 2 anthems and she played for the church...it was so amazing and wonderful...i think she masters the skills very well and she expressed the song very well in her playing, the rythm and meaning of the songs was expressed through her fingers. And because of her it moves me to work harder.

The teacher said if I keep the effort and work harder I may perform on the stage or even play for the church one day. But actually I don't have this dream or desire. I learn piano is because of I like it since very young. My family condition doesn't allow me to learn it. I only have one desire and dream, it to express my thought, feeling and emotion to God through music. And piano is the instrument that I like the most. For me a great pianist is not the one who always plays on the stage or having performance all around the world but is the one who know how to make use of the piano to speak the message of the piece.

On top of all, the foundation must be strong and the skills must be sharpened otherwise the fingers will not make the piano 'speak the message of the music'.... Every degree of loudness, the pace, rhythm, every notes, every lines and even a single dot means something.

Music is wonderful!!!

Man of Wisdom

2009-11-05T12:07:00.002+08:00

It's a wonderful and great time that I could spend with some of the leaders. It's learning time when you can listen to their story and their sharing about politics and community. I like to hang out with them, those who are patiently listen to your sharing and needs and responded with laughter and sounds comfort.

Some of the people thought that they are knowledgable, and they will grab any moment to puff up. But people with true substance and knowledge, they share it for the benefit of others, they will not simply announce in the public. I respect this kind of people. To these people I will keep quiet and listen, learn from them, see how they respond to issues.

Among all leaders, 1 said man or woman with substance or true knowledge doesn't have to make himself/herself known, instead God sees and justifies it.

These leaders seldom share and expose their knowledge, in fact every time we meet it was full of laughter and jokes. But when they teach and guide, they are the ones who bring impact and influence to lives. People can see the image of Jesus being reflected from these people's lives.

爱人不可虚假

2009-11-05T11:05:00.004+08:00

People are searching for someone that we can follow, who brings influence or impact to our lives; someone whom we would say 'Ah, this is the one, I like his pattern, his attitude, his thought, his dressing, his style...'.

If we follow someone who speaks foul language, it reflects what? We are also speaking foul language mah...

Let's look at this:
A girl was cooking for her beloved. In the midst of preparation, the boiling oil is sparkling. The guy said to the girl 'Hey, you want to take revenge' instead of 'Are you alright?'.

This phrase 'Hey, you want to take revenge' measures the love of guy for the girl. Or, it shows immaturity. Or, if the guy says, 'You know that I'm only kidding', then I shall say, the guy is not truthful. That means the guy can only be gentle to the girl on the phone or only when both of them are together, when he appears in the public, the guy must show he is Man, a Man is a Man, having thought like "it's ok that i take my love one for granted and said whatever i like, because she will understand that I'm only 'Kidding'! It has no need to say a word of thanksgiving or appreciation coz in the future she will need to cook for me if she becomes my wife."

Looking at the example above, who do you think the guy follow? Follow the 'Big Man' (Da nan ren zhu yi) pattern or someone who taught him this way? Is this the pattern we should follow? Or if he follows Christ and His teaching, do you think this kinds of pattern and word exist?

Friends, if we say 'Hey God, you want to take revenge?!' telling Him that we are kidding, and proclaim that our hearts actually is not like that, actually we love God; is that the way?! How God feels?

I never experience God love me in such way, His love is true no matter in what circumstance, He won't be like mocking or discouraging me in public and then he comes to fill me, touch me, encourage me when I spend time with Him. God loves us and it's shown in action, it's proven on the cross. We are assured by His Word(Bible).

If our God is being true to us, we shall be truthful to Him. If we wants others being truthful to us, we shall respect others with truthfulness.

"Love....rejoices with the truth".

Missing Home

2009-09-25T22:37:00.001+08:00

I start having a feeling of regret that this vacation is so long for me to return home. Especially tomorrow is Sunday, the heart is burdened for my church in KK, desires to see great thing will happen in my church.

And I found something - that my 'home' is no more KL, it's KK. It's a place where I was reluctant to stay for, but yet, it gives a lot of impression and memories into my life. A relationship is established and developed because it shows its fruits and value.

I miss 'home'!

I not Stupid!

2009-09-25T22:18:00.003+08:00

There is a sister commended her older sister, saying that she's stupid in taking photograph, in making choice of direction, in playing piano, in knowing things...basically just stupid...what is undeniable is the younger sister truly has some proof that she's smart, she's welcome and acceptable by all people around her...But, it doesn't mean she has a benefit to make her older sister so so 'little'.

Now start thinking for ourselves. Are we building lives in our words, deed and thought? Or sowing discouragement, 'pouring cold water' in negative way instead of helping others to grow in their weaknesses?

We will reap what we sow. Perhaps we maynot be able to reap the harvest, but our children will gain whatever we sow. So, doing good, rebuking with compassion, correcting with love and leading others to live in fullness of Christ.

Why so complicated

2009-09-18T20:56:00.003+08:00

It's very interesting....my piano teacher said she has 8 characters:

A wife, a mother, a home-maker, a teacher, an accountant, helper of a piano teacher, serving in church and also a partner in a small business....wow....she only has 24 hours/day...how can she manage, I wonder.

What would I be? I'm not bold enough to imagine....or God will only give me 1 character leh....I don't know...but God created women in so special way that can be so strong and perseverant, soft but not weak, gentle but not firm....em....!!!

Haih...too complicated....never mind...continue to practice.....do do re re mi fa so....

Give Up

2009-09-18T08:30:00.004+08:00

A people who encounters discouragement so many times certainly want to avoid the situation all the time. What if the same person who is very close to you is the one who discourages? Just, Run Away!

In order to get rid of the pool of discouragment, no need to get close to those discourager, find the encourager, or, if you can't find, just stay alone silently. Don't talk in order to avoid more arrows come to you!

Or if necessary, give up. Find another who can build your life!

You may choose to accept and forgive, but someone said 'I'm also human being, you must understand I have weaknesses also, I may not be positive all the times....', for me, then you don't ask me to be positive all the time!

Now I learn something, I only have to remember how many times God forgives me, then I'll be able to forgive and listen to those who are in needs. Don't expect others will live on the same principle, otherwise you will get more hurt.

Do You Allow Others To Change

2009-09-18T08:22:00.002+08:00

We expect people can understand our weaknesses, we expect them to accept us and allow us to change, but do we apply the same principle to others? That's why relationships fail!

When we need a listener, can we be a listener? Or just being frustated and feel wasting time to listen? We expect others to be patient and listen to the same problem, if we fall into the same circumstance, can we take it patiently?

What is acceptance? What is forgiveness? and, What is LOVE?

Press, Stop, Press, and Lift....again....!!!

2009-09-17T21:51:00.002+08:00

Today piano class is very interesting, I was finally enlightened how to play "Spellbound"......

Really have a sense of achievement. I really like it and wish to find out more......playing piano really can express our feeling....the loudness, the tone, the strength of pressing every key is an express....but....to sharpen the skill is a long process....only determination makes you sustain in this process....

I wish I can have a piano to practise everyday......no need to go to music school and wait for somebody else finished then I just got my turn and practise......every practice, it englightens me something, it gives me a different sense of music....interesting!!!

I see you again in October teacher!

Dream

2009-09-16T21:43:00.002+08:00

"Are you guys looking forward to setting up your own family, prepare meals for the family....."?

"Yes....we even talked about children and schooling already loo....!

"Wow, so advanced already? So fast?"

"We talked abt nothing coz we haven't talked for 4 days already...."

"Oh no....I'm a bit worried for you....need counselling....hahaha..."

People even thought of to have children and the choice of school for the children....people are looking forward to set up family and don't mind to prepare meals...

Am i ready for that? I was once dreaming for this to happen......but now i'm wondering if I take can it, or I'm not sure if I'm mature enough to have a family......can i walk with someone for the rest of my life? Am i able to walk that journey? Even at this moment, i find it hard to have someone to walk with me. Maybe i put a lot of expectation......but i don't expect, the relationship will be no substance, it means i don't concern or care anymore......but when i have even a simple expectation.......actually most of the time i din get what i expect or long to have...

Then, what for to have someone so called 'lover' to listen, to love or even care? I don't know...

I'm not even sure if I really need someone to walk with me, how can I think about my future? How can I think of to have children? This doesn't work, it will be just a DREAM only!

They really never failed me...my lovely ones...

2009-09-16T21:38:00.003+08:00

YES!!! The head of the group was so touched and excited...it's none other than the group of people finally turned up at the party....yeah....they belong to the community and being more mature....

The head was running around and said "They never failed me..." I guess she's so proud of them......

But, the most important is the head have to know the NEED of this group of people...!!!

Anyone knows what they NEED???

2009-09-15T22:46:00.003+08:00

Decision making is the most scary role of a leader, either leading the flock going back to the Lord or gone astray.

But for a group of people who hardly find a belonging place eventually they found it. They shouldn't belong to that place but neither they want to go back to the old place which cannot build them.

And someone organized a party for the community of that place. This group of people are stuck, wondering they should go for the party because they know deeply they don't belong to that place even to the party. But because they stepped into the community, their being is considered as part of the party. How?

The head of this group of people see their dilemma, here comes she made a decision, that she decided to organize another 'party' only for this group of people rather they will go to somewhere else if they don't turn up at the party. Another direction is given in order not to make them feel lost.

Unfortunately, an Uncle from this place knew that this group of people may not be able to go for the party, he is very angry. He called and raised his voice to the head why did not encourage the group to join the party and rather organized another one for them.

Along the conversation was the argument of going or not to the party. But, 1 important element was not taken into consideration or care - that is the NEED of this group of people.

Does anyone know what they NEED?

Very very Hungry

2009-09-13T21:41:00.004+08:00

Imagine you have to starve, maybe to keep fit, or maybe lacking in financial.....when you see a roasted pork on the table, you can't wait anymore........!!!!!!

There are many people having spiritual starvation. Some people lack of love, some lack of encouragment, some lack of wisdom, some lack of discernment, some lack of confidence.....some....some....

But a child was living in a 'dead sea' and knows only 1 taste - salty ever in his life, suddenly you take him out of the dead sea' and put him into 'Mediterranean Sea', imagine what's the effects?
In spiritual journey is also like this, when a person was living in a situation or family where only words of condemnation being sown in his or her life, it would not get used to word of encouragment. It's strange and weird to accept encouragment....it's not that he or she doesn't want, it's because he or she doesn't know how to accept......therefore, what we do is, we keep sowing the seed of encouragment, speak more of the word of encouragment as nurture to the seed, the seed will grow and blossom, the life shall be an encouragment for others, shall be a blessing to many.

But the problem is, before you see it blossoms, the journey is painful and full of struggle and torture, it needs motivation to keep it going on, it needs someone to be companion, it needs someone to fill the emptiness, it needs someone to feed the spiritual hunger of that life. So, who provides the remedy that comprises all the elements???

Yes, No, Wait & No, Wait, Yes

2009-09-12T23:08:00.002+08:00

"O Lord..... I need a new Handphone, bless me with w890i, specifically Brown color, otherwise black is also acceptable...'

When this prayer was declared to the Lord, we expect 'Yes' from the Lord, but 'No' and 'Wait' are also in God's consideration.
But when God says 'Come serve Me....', the Lord expect 'Yes', unfortunately 'No' or 'Wait' is also part of our consideration which shouldn't be.

In our walk with the Lord, there's moment we are stuck and that's the time we have to stop everything and deal with it. It's not a blockage of our growth, but it's starting point of another destination in our lives. When we feel stuck, just stop and think.

I'm not sure about others, but for me, I'm stuck it's because I 'stop walking'. When we know that God is calling us for another task, at first, we may say 'No'...and the glimpse of light becomes brighter, we say 'Wait'...and the seed keeps growing, it almost blossoms, we actually know how it looks like, we know that a glorious future is waiting for us to fulfill, and here it comes 'But Lord......' consecutively....

Why? It's because of my selfishness, I fear that the Lord won't give me the things or success I want and He will grant the success which I don't expect. I fear because the glorious future is still abstract for me...it needs a lot of Faith to trust, to just make a decision, to follow and question nothing. It needs a lot of times and effort to let go of 'self-centredness'. It needs a lot of persuassion before we say 'Yes'.

Do we still 'Wait' for the hard time to come and just say 'Yes' to God?!

Some people are borned to be blessed, but some are born to strive for blessing!!!

2009-09-12T02:17:00.005+08:00

2 sisters, 1 works so hard to strive for blessing, the other just gets the blessing effortless...the problem is why 2 extremes can appear in 1 family?!

2 sisters, 1 is full of confident, the other is very low self-esteem. Why 1 family can bring up 2 extremes?

2 sisters, one's life is full of laughter and satisfaction, the other's is full of weariness; one's life is an enjoyment, the other's is a battle. Why 1 mom can bring up 2 extremes?

2 sisters, one always get compliments, the other always gets complaint. Why mom can give 2 different kinds of comment?

2 sisters, one is seemed very healthy in relationship and spiritual building up, the other is seemed having depression every moment and hard in breaking through. Why 2 extreme journey is paved from 1 family?